Saturday, February 5, 2011

The Start of It All

Our little angel:

December 17th, 2010

After months of wondering why you were walking differently and not running, we finally got an appointment with a doctor.  Going into visit with the doctor we expected to hear we were either over concerned parents or you would need special braces for awhile to walk normal.  To our surprise we found out you have bilateral hip dysplasia and with your age your only options are surgery on both hips. The surgeries your doctor recommended to begin to correct your birth defect range from open reduction, femoral shortening, and possible pelvic ostomy. I can tell you this, as a father hearing for the first time that your child who was perfect yesterday and suddenly in the beat of an heart is changed is so much to take in and understand. To be expected to change your view of the world in a second was almost more then I could handle. I struggled to stay focused on what the doctor was trying to tell us, but the more she talked the worse I felt.  I could not process what I was hearing.  My body was shutting down.  I began to be light headed and felt like I was slipping into a dark hole. I had to lay on the floor while the doctor continued to explain what we as parents and you as a child were facing for the next while.  The drive home started off with silence between your mother and I. Neither of us could find the words to describe the sudden rush of feelings and emotions we were sorting through.  My mind was focused on you, my sweet little girl, and how this new path that was suddenly thrust upon you would direct your life. It was this night that my anxiety started.  I couldn't sleep at night.  I keep imagining all the outcomes that an unknown surgery process could bring to me.....the fear of the unknown had set in and the anxiety of the possibilities simply summed up to, all we could to was wait. Wait to understand what your risks were with these surgeries. I had no idea what lied ahead for you, for us, or for our family. The only way to discover our destination was to move forward one step at a time.

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